I noticed my walk the other day.
It used to be a no-nonsense, purposeful stride — but sometime over the past (how many?) years, it's degenerated. I could attribute some of it to motherhood: walking with an infant, and now a toddler, is hardly an exercise in speed. And there's been the social isolation of being a stay-at-home mum, of which I've still not entirely clawed my way free (because sleep deprivation, and busy) despite no longer doing the staying at home half. Some of it has to be due to my mental health, which, safe to say, is not currently at peak performance.
But that can't explain it all, can it? Because you guys, when did I get so very shrivelled up and shrunken in on myself?
I noticed it when I was stepping out of the bathroom at work. The place is like grand central station, and navigating its entrance and exit is an exercise in not getting smacked in the face by a swinging door or elbowed in the boob by someone leaping out of the way of said door. And as I was leaving the bathroom, I heard footsteps, so I hesitated where I stood until their owner stepped into view, to avoid a blind corner collision. So far, so normal. But when she appeared, I gave her a tight smile, and then I ducked my head down and to the side and scarpered past her. Like vermin dashing for the safety of darkness.
The realisation pulled me up mid-step. And to combat the self-loathing that washed over me as a consequence, I walked the rest of the way back to my desk with my head high and my shoulders ramrod straight and imagining I actually had the street-fighting cred to punch and stomp a villain to a bloody pulp should the need arise…
It was awesome. I've been making a conscious effort to walk less apologetically ever since, and it remains awesome.
So yesterday I stomped on out and bought new boots, boots to match (and maintain) my butt-thumpin' mood. On sale at half price, because taking names doesn't mean you must also be fiscally irresponsible.
They are helping me out something fierce. Plus they're super comfy, because apparently the Spanish really know how to make shoes.