and the mome raths outgrabe

Sometime last year, my bank (in a fit of promotional madness) sent me a couple of free movie tickets. I can't remember why — I think I answered a survey or some such inanity. Anyway, not the point. The point is that the free movie tickets were for Greater Union cinemas, of which Melbourne has exactly … one. Which I simply never get to.

Yesterday, determined not to waste a free movie ticket, and being near town, and having wanted vaguely to see Iron Man 2, I redeemed one of the free tickets.

Which is how I found myself in a darkened room with a blank cinema screen, alone but for one other man.

Said man was eating popcorn, ostensibly. Well, in fact, he was eating it quite frantically. I have never in my life seen anyone attack a bucket of popcorn with such frenzy. I soon figured out why.

Eating the popcorn was covering (or, in point of fact, significantly failing to cover)1 the sounds of his real purpose in sitting in the back of a darkened, ill-frequented cinema. Namely a little bit of quality time with Mrs Palmer and her five daughters, as it were.

I wish I was kidding at this point. But alas, there is a distinct and unmistakable quality to the breathing of a person who is, shall we say, rather focussed on achieving an imminent outcome. And that grunting and groaning was not about clearing his throat of popcorn kernels.

Thankfully, I was out of the splatter zone, and he didn't stay to watch (and ruin) the movie.2 Here's hoping that redeeming the second free ticket is not quite so eventful, eh?

  1. But hey, I appreciate the effort. I think. []
  2. Although why he would choose to masturbate to a blank screen and vapid advertising when he could have waited for Scarlett Johansson's lycra-clad gyrations I do not know. []

4 thoughts on “and the mome raths outgrabe

Comments are closed.