but i don't wanna

 journal, pre-crash, shadow queen, writing life  3 Responses »
Mar 272007
 

Otherwise known as hello, the bloody end.

I am fidgety and whiny today. I hate every song on my iPod. All 8,000 of them are trite, overplayed, noise. I hate my desk. I hate my chair. I can't get comfortable. I can't concentrate with music, I can't focus without it. Season 4 of Scrubs just arrived in the post, and I have no desire to watch it.

I am simultaneously gripped by an insane-making urge to avoid the novel, and an equally insane-deathmarch-drive to finish the novel. Oh, yeah, and there's an idea for a brand-spanking-new novel nibbling at my frontal lobe. Um, hello? What about those other scads of novels, patiently waiting their turn for so long? What about this novel, whose turn it definitely is?

Hoo, boy, welcome to the bitter end.

All revisable words have been revised, and now all I have left is the new stuff I skipped, and tidying up all those bits which really should have been tidied up before now.

See ya on the other side.

deathmarch

 journal, pre-crash, shadow queen  2 Responses »
Mar 252007
 

I'm into the deathmarch on the revision now. It's getting hard to find room in my head for not-novel stuff.

Only some 4,000-odd words to revise of the rough draft. And then all the new words I need to write to tie things off1. Which will include, you know, an ending, since the rough draft sadly lacked one altogether.

Some of the new words will be snippets, closing or opening paragraphs I couldn't summon the deftness to write at the time. Some are new scenes to replace deleted scenes, or to paper over that enormous plot hole. Some are spaces in the text where I have to go back and change my already-changed text. Yes, that's right. I need to revise my revision.

I'd always thought the point of a revision was to make the necessary changes, and move on. Turns out, my process is a little different. I revise, make unnecessary changes (obviously this is the point at which I fail to clarify what, precisely, is necessary and what is polishing crap), consider the text fixed to first-draft status, and move happily on.

Then, twenty thousand words further down the line, then the epiphany strikes and I realise there's a vital change I needed twenty thousand words ago. A far-reaching change, like deleting a character or altering a motivation.

Still, at least some of the plot dropped in to my head this morning which gives me a better motivation for the !not-ending I have. Now to figure out the real ending.

  1. Conveniently marked in the manuscript by the phrase OH GOD I DON'T KNOW — NEW STUFF HERE! They make a nice change from the RESEARCH THIS, DUMBASS! comments. Not that I'm an alarmist author at all. [↩]

wanted: beta-readers

 journal, pre-crash, shadow queen  3 Responses »
Mar 212007
 

I'm hoping to finish the draft of this novel by the end of March. That means beta-readers.

So if you want to be on the list, leave a comment to this post or email me. I'm working towards a May deadline for finishing this one. The novel should end up being 100,000 (in SMF), give or take. It's political fantasy with golems, if that helps.

If you want to be on the beta-reader list but don't have time next month to review a novel, let me know that, too, and I'll save your name for later works of genius tortures.

the gods of electricity have a point to make…

 journal, pre-crash  2 Responses »
Mar 202007
 

Another weekend, another blackout. This one right in the middle of attempting a backup.

It is possible I am some kind of human lightning rod. Except I've never been struck by lightning myself. I just attract strikes and surges to my general vicinity. Perhaps some higher power wants to punish me for the sheer flood of electrons I consume every day. (I think very positive thoughts about being environmentally conscious. These thoughts, apart from switching off the work computers so they don't run all night, have yet to translate into real electronic conservationism.)

The worst thing about blackouts right this very moment? Would be because the ophthalmologist has me on a short course of steroids.

Steroids remove any desire to sleep.

Please, take a moment to pick yourself up off the floor. Yes, it's true: I don't want to sleep. I am, in fact, the queen of bouncy wide-eyed wakefulness. (I am also, needless to say, looking forward to the end of the steroids.) Blackouts make passing the time in the middle of the pitch-black night a touch difficult.

ETA: Not two minutes after posting this, yet. another. blackout. Methinks its time to buy some more candles and a reliable torch or two.

officially "normal"

 journal, pre-crash, shadow queen  Comments Off
Mar 152007
 

Manuscript comment du jour: I'm always letting my characters say everything that pops into their heads. They're far too fucking honest with each other. Always. Le Sigh. Maybe I'm just not a subtle writer.

The MRI report is in: my brain is officially normal. (Again, we are only investigating the tissue itself. Normality and functionality of thought patterns are left to the reader's judgement.) Normal vascular flow, and no plaques. I could tell the news was good when my ophthalmologist talked in normal and conversational tones; the more worried he gets, the softer he speaks, until sometimes he talks fixedly to the desk. Of course, this does mean we still have no idea what is causing my eyes to misbehave, and does not absolutely rule out the very bad possible diagnoses. But it puts a stay on them for now at least. So we are officially relieved. Tess, you can put a hold on the sandwich services ;)

Just in case the MRI missed something, today I had a dye test. This is a dandy little procedure whereby the ophthalmologist dilates the eyes, puts your dilated eyes in front of a tear-inducingly bright light, pumps you full of a dye which turns your skin not quite yellow and not quite green but a lurid shade somewhere in between, has his nurse hold your head so you can't move and thumb your eyelid back so you can't blink, and then takes photos of the back of your eye. With a very bright flash. Your vision turns black initially, and then it dances through various shades of vermilion, crimson, purple, and lurid mauve. I imagine like the circle of hell which holds all the people who loathe hippies' penchant for eye-twisting colours.

I suspect this little test was actually developed in the middle ages as a form of torture. The medical benefits obviously only came later, once we invented the camera.

Right. Back to work. That is, as soon as my eyes figure out that little trick known as focussing…

i win at failing

 journal, pre-crash, writing life  Comments Off
Mar 112007
 

I've been missing in action because Telstra, in an attempt to punish me for I know not what, have decreed that I shall have only the most rudimentary and intermittent internet access. In addition to Telstra's ploy, the home network router has concocted a machiavellian1 plot to keep me away from the shinyshiny internet.2 Dial-up would be an elysian dream compared to this. I am becoming mighty familiar with the ErrorZilla page.

errorsmall.png

This makes it very difficult to read slush, and to procrastinate by surfing blogs. But never fear! I still managed to find ways to procrastinate without the internets. Yes, I know, it boggles the mind. But if the EMP of doom does arrive, it's a comfort to know that I won't necessarily be forced back to being productive. Phew, huh?

For real content, I direct you elsewhere: Justine is soliciting your thoughts: What's the best day job for a writer? Go answer, or just read the comments and discover the perfect dayjob buried in there somewhere.

  1. Why do I want to spell machiavellian with two c's? Have I seen too many misspellings? [↩]
  2. Or it's dying. Which would be the more charitable thought, since the router has never seemed malevolent before now. But given that I win at breaking networks just by walking into a room, I harbour a niggling suspicion the router is punishing me. [↩]

the mri

 journal, pre-crash  6 Responses »
Mar 042007
 

So, as it turns out, I have a brain after all.1 Proof! Evidence! Personally, I'm quite fond of my brain. It fills all of my head, and seems to me that's a good characteristic of a brain. Good enough for me, anyway.

For you lucky folks playing along at home, I've even uploaded an image. Because, really, who doesn't want to see my brain? Continue reading »

  1. Whether said brain functions correctly, normally, or as expected is still undetermined. Feel free to speculate on that as you will. [↩]