Yesterday, I jaunted along to the GP, who stabbed a few viscous, neon pink mL of rabies into my arm, told me I may possibly be the only person in the known world to have laughter-induced asthma,1 and then told me to hold still, this burning a section of my face malarky would only sting a little bit.
Yup, it's happened again. Sometime in the past two years I went and left the house and gambolled about outside, and now I've only gone and caught cancer. Again.
Luckily, this time, I actually am exaggerating. A bit. Last time was a melanotic freckle, and it involved plastic surgery (on account of said freckle being very close to my eye — otherwise it would have just been normal surgery) which, because said plastic surgeon knew his stuff, did not scar particularly.
This time2 it's only pre-cancerous, so no need, apparently, to bother a surgeon. No, by far the best option is to whip out the liquid nitrogen3 and burn, burn, burn the
witch nasty lesion. Which is lucky because it was located on the bridge of my nose — the skin there is very thin and not very stretchy, so any excision there would be unpleasant and probably would scar. So yay for asking the doctor about it before it turned cancerous.4
- I am so not kidding. How is that even possible? I know not. [↩]
- The GP did tell me a name for it — but it was long and convoluted and designed to exclude laypeople, so at the time I was concentrating rather more on the outcome such a name dictated [↩]
- So named because nitrogen, my friends, is not meant to be liquid on any average day. Even on any average ice-age day, nitrogen is meant to be a happy-go-lucky gas molecule, floating and drifting around the ionosphere. And you know what happens when you catch and corral a herd of nitrogen molecules and chill them until they must band together and form a liquid? They turn ANGRY, that's what happens. [↩]
- I would say asking the doctor early, but it took me about 6-12 months to notice something was awry with this one. Still, that's an improvement. Last time took about 3-4 years before anyone caught on to the freckle's nefarious plans. [↩]