what the heart wants, the head fears

Posted on Posted in journal, whistling in the dark

This evening, after a flurry of emails throughout the day between the travel agent and myself, and many tweakings and confirmings of dates, I am in possession of a quote for an entire overseas holiday. Flights, accommodation, transfers, and insurance.

And about ten minutes ago I had a moment of sheer, blindness-inducing terror, because I couldn't possibly actually go through with it.

But you know what? It's simply not true. (Dear Brain Chemistry: I'm onto you. Stop it!)

I would have the same jitters no matter where I was planning to visit, no matter how standard the destination, because I have a head that likes to throw all sorts of catastrophes and definitely-going-to-go-wrongs at me regardless of reality or probability.1

And at the end of the day, I don't want to waste what little time off I get on holidays that don't take off the top of my skull and reboot my soul. I want to see geography that makes my heart swell with awe, and to witness cultures and ways of life that break my expectations. I want to see mountains, and steppes, and deserts.

So yes. Tomorrow I'm putting a deposit on my flights, and booking my leave from work.

And I'm going to Mongolia.2

  1. And because I have a physical aversion to spending large amounts of money in one bank-account-emptying swoop, let's not overlook that charming little neurosis. []
  2. Although I can't promise I won't have a few more freakouts between now and actually jumping on the plane. []

4 thoughts on “what the heart wants, the head fears

  1. HELL YEAH!

    (The bank account thing I'll get over, because once it's paid it's paid and gone and in the past. The waiting for the trip, however, just gives anxieties a chance to BREED. Little buggers that they are.)

  2. Heh. I told my hairdresser that I'd booked flights to Mongolia today and he stopped and stared at me and said, "I have never in my life heard of anyone visiting Mongolia…"

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